


Slow, Persistent Fate

by voleuse



Category: Justified
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:48:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24547168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voleuse/pseuds/voleuse
Summary: Winona doesn't mind losing him as long as they can do it in slow motion.
Relationships: Raylan Givens/Winona Hawkins
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	Slow, Persistent Fate

**Author's Note:**

> Set around the times of the series finale.

_Oh, my grandfather's dad crossed the Cumberland Mountains_  
Where he took a pretty girl to be his bride  
Said, "Won't you walk with me, out of the mouth of this holler  
or we'll never leave Harlan alive 

Florida wasn't so bad, Winona sometimes told herself, except that her sister wasn't there, or her mother, or Raylan. It was just her, Willa, and a series of highly-recommended babysitters while she was getting herself set at work.

Between Raylan's cases and Winona's time at the court, not to mention the time zones, it was often closer to late night than not when they could finally do a video call. (She once thought to comment about how he always called from the office, but then she decided she'd rather not see whatever back room he'd taken for the while.) Raylan hadn't been down to visit them since, well, since that first week when Winona was back to work. Then, it was partly to give her some extra peace of mind, and partly--though she pretended he wouldn't--to run background checks on every babysitter they met.

On the computer, Raylan couldn't touch his nose to Willa's forehead, couldn't tuck Winona's hair back behind her ear while she debated aloud whether she should have a glass of wine. His voice, occasionally tinny though it was, did seem to weave some sort of spell around Willa, who forgot she was actually the world's sweetest demon child.

Once in a while, she couldn't keep it in. "You look tired," she would murmur, seeing how tense his shoulders were, the way his eyes squinted just a little bit. "Do I want to know what it is?"

And Raylan would do that thing where he smiled, but off to the side. "Well." She could never tell if it was a dodge or he simply didn't find his day worthy of remark. "You know how things go sometimes."

Winona would tamp down whatever emotion threatened to well up, hug Willa a little bit tighter.

"I wish I was there," Raylan would murmur.

She could never tell if he meant it or not.

***

There was something almost magical about getting home to the apartment, kicking off her heels, and not having to do anything else. Raylan wouldn't be starting at his field office for a month, so once Winona had slung herself over the sofa, he'd bring a cooing Willa to her. If she had what he called, "that particular look," he'd fetch her a glass of wine, too. And dinner would be waiting--nothing elaborate, but not fast food, either. (Their first trip to the fancy grocery store had been one long muttered argument about compromises.)

If Willa ever went demon child while Winona was at work, Raylan never confessed. Instead, he'd tell her about the weirdest, cutest things Willa had done during the day: Barking at a frog. Spitting Cheerios into his lap. Possibly making obscene gestures when Winona's sister called in to say hey.

By the time Raylan started working again, they'd settled on one daycare program and a certified child care specialist for the afternoons. ("Need a degree to change diapers now, I guess," Raylan said, brow furrowed.) They settled into something like a routine, with rushed breakfast and alternating drop-offs and pizza nights and laundry mishaps.

And once in a while, Winona's last court case would be rescheduled, and Raylan wouldn't have anything urgent at work. Then, after Willa fell asleep, they'd have bourbon instead of wine. They'd twine slowly together in bed, finding rhythms entirely different from workaday sex, which was good, but leaned on the familiar.

This was, Winona thought sometimes, what she'd wished their life was like when they'd been married. This was the life they'd both wanted.

***

She had known, in the back of her mind, that it wouldn't last forever. They loved each other, sure, but Raylan would always get caught up in his job, and Winona would always frustrate herself by being surprised. When it came to Willa, she _was_ surprised--he never missed an appointment or forgot when the babysitter had the day off.

But in the middle of a case, he'd spend his time on the phone more than with her. She'd catch him mentioning some incident at work and realize Raylan might still be pretty quick on the draw, or might need to be. And his words would get clipped, and her smiles would get strained. When he got in late, he'd sleep on the sofa sometimes.

It was a couple of months before they came to another conclusion. They held Willa between them, and Winona thought he was blinking away a tear. "I'm always gonna love you, Raylan," she said.

"I promise I'll always be here," he replied. "For both of you."

And Winona realized that she believed him, and maybe, maybe that was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Title adapted from "[What I Believe](http://www.jeff-worley.com/jeff/samples/sample-a-little-luck/)" by Jeff Worley. Epigraph taken from "[You'll Never Leave Harlan Alive](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cco-pCb0klU)," performed by Darrell Scott.


End file.
